My Truth (You said I want the truth, well heres the truth)

I started my wedding planning business with no real clue or even vision, just a simple idea; to plan super small & simple romantic events. It was just me & a photographer named Danny. We charged a whopping $375 for a wedding or vow renewal ceremony on the beach where I would officiate the ceremony (as I am ordained by the state) and Danny would photography them for an hour giving them all images on CD. That $375 also included a bouquet and two leis. My cost of goods was $300 and I thought I was making $75. Boy was I an idiot.

However, we figured that since we are new and have little experience that we should be priced less than others doing similar services so that we could get business in the door. We looked at what others were doing. The average all-inclusive beach wedding package with minister, 1 hr photography, bouquet & two leis from experienced businesses were selling for about $1,000 – YES! Only a thousand and that number is nearly the same today. To this day as I write this the Disney resort – yes DISNEY – offers a nearly identical package for just $1,600 just miles from where I was.

Even worse than poor pricing, about a half year into our new venture Danny left leaving me with weddings on the books and a price point to low to find a replacement. So, knowing nothing about photography but needing to cover my ass, I bought a camera and sub-contracted out an officiant to perform the ceremony. And so began this unexpected life of me being a wedding planner, officiant & photographer.

Some people gasp at this. However, to me it was what I saw so many others doing. It never raised any red flags to me. Most of the cheap all-inclusive wedding businesses were mom & pop shops where the husband was the minister, the wife the photographer and often times, they would hand make their own bouquets. They almost never had any real credentials or training either. Still to this day, several businesses operate this way around the island. To many mainlanders this seems odd, but to me it was normal island business so at the time I saw nothing wrong with it.

Bravely, I raised my rates to a $575 – $875 where I stayed for nearly 3 years. I averaged about 150 weddings per year. It was during this time I went to school where I earned my wedding planning certification & wedding planning instructor certification. I sub-contracted out other photographers, ministers and planners to work at my events. Sometimes I was the officiant, sometimes I was the photographer, sometimes the coordinator and sometimes I would sub-contract out everything and wouldn’t be at the wedding at all.

Due to the way Danny left, I felt it would only be responsible to learn this thing they call “photography” just in case another photographer left me high and dry again. I never wanted to be a photographer but rather felt it was my responsibility to learn it as a wedding planner to protect my clients and myself. So, I began to apprentice under a local wedding photographer while working as a wedding planner. After a few years of education and experience I raised my rates again to a whopping $997 for my base package which at the time I didn’t think would sell. I was now one of the most expensive of all the cheapies. However, I still hadn’t turned a profit nor even saw anything wrong with what I was doing but for some reason always felt ashamed and embarrassed about my business.

Nearly four years into my business is when I finally stopped looking at what other local business were doing and started searching for answers. It was the first time I wanted more for myself and my business. I began to offer private venue packages for up to 50 people that sold for $2,997. My business began to plummet because now I was ‘expensive.” But slowly it built back up. However, I never increased my profit margins despite the fact that I had nearly tripled my cost of goods. Even though lots of money was coming in, I wasn’t profiting and I couldn’t understand why.

I was so frustrated because I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong? I’m doing things just like the other businesses around me and they seem to be successful. Why aren’t I? I’m no different than them but they seem to be making money and I’m not. I now have more education than they do as well as some experience, so what am I doing wrong? I felt like a failure and began to hate my business and myself.

I was photographing a wedding and a bride said to me “I can’t wait to see the pictures. I love photography. I’m excited to see your art.” – I was completely and utterly dumbfounded by this statement. Me, an artist? Photographer’s aren’t artists. Photographer’s are the pain in butt as far as my wedding planner mind was concerned. I could write an entire book on the thousand and one ways wedding photographer’s drive wedding planners crazy. From a wedding planners point of view, wedding photographers are the most self-absorbed, uncooperative and socially dysfunctional of all the wedding vendors I have ever worked with. I was nearly offended she called me a wedding photographer despite the fact I had just photographed her wedding. And then it hit like a ton of bricks, I was a fraud. I was a wedding planner posing a photographer. Even worse, I had completely and utterly failed this bride.

It was in this single moment that a huge shift had occurred inside me. Like it or not, I was a photographer. I had fought my camera since the moment I got it. I had never tried to understand it much less enjoy it. From that moment on, I committed to perfecting my photography so that I would never fail another bride again.

In 2009 I enrolled at UH for photography and began to rework my business as a photography-based wedding planning company. The bulk of the wedding planning choices were now made around optimizing the images. From where people stood to the venues we used to time of day the weddings took place, photography was now the motivator. Imagine how different weddings would be if the photographer got to plan them? Also, imagine how much differently the wedding would feel if the wedding coordinator and photographer where perfectly synced? Well, that is what I did and it worked brilliantly.

In 2010, 2011 & 2012 we began to receive multiple awards for our photography-driven wedding planning. Our online reviews skyrocketed. Even better, I began to enjoy photography and get a little better every shoot. To my surprise, in 2012 I won Weddingwire’s bride’s choice award for both wedding planning and photography! While my sales numbers where down to about 80 weddings per year, my client satisfaction was at an all time high. I began to be featured on TV, in blogs and magazines. I gained some notoriety. However, I still never raised my prices and never profited.

In 2012 everything would be come undone. My husband got orders to San Diego, CA forcing us to move from Hawaii. Uncertain of the future of my Hawaii based business, I slowed all bookings for HI weddings as I was unsure if I could fulfill them. I knew I would have to raise my rates yet again. I also wasn’t sure if I could still continue to operate things remotely from San Diego. My photography has always been linked with my wedding planning and I didn’t know how to separate things. For nearly a year I was in limbo.

During this time I prepared to move and expand to San Diego. I redid my website with a gold “blingy” theme and a super flashy website that would be more universal to both Hawaii and San Diego. However, the Business slowly crawled to a dead halt. The website was an epic failure and clearly displays how unclear, uncertain & desperate I was feeling at the time. It is a reflection of all that I was doing wrong and the chaos I was experiencing internally.

I moved to San Diego and effectively worked the remaining HI weddings remotely. However, I didn’t enjoy it. I missed photography and being a part of everything. My ego suffered as all I had worked for was now being taken from me at the peak of my success. I went from somebody to nobody in the blink of an eye. Even more so, in San Diego some of the world’s best photographers are just miles from my home reconfirming my fear that I’m not good enough. After this long struggle, all this education and all this hard work and I have nothing to show for it. My heart is broken.

In San Diego I have a small studio where I do boudoir and portraits which I love. However, I only get about 1-4 bookings per month with an average sale of $600 so I am barely making rent much less profiting. I have been told by others to give up on Boudoir in San Diego because the BoudoirDivas pretty much own it. It’s like setting up a glamour studio next door to Sue Bryce’s studio. I have yet to book a single San Diego wedding since I arrived nearly a year ago.

In March of 2013, I decided to close as I only have 6 HI weddings on the books with zero San Diego weddings. I use my husband’s income to cover my business costs burdening the family greatly. Not wanting to alarm any remaining clients by announcing my close, I raised my rates by nearly $15,000 to repel customers ensuring nobody would book me. The plan was to do the final remaining weddings on the books and then slowly let the business fade away unnoticed. I went to Hawaii to let the vendors know and by an off chance, met with one of my on-site coordinators, Kathy, who wants to try and breathe new life into the Romance Specialists. With nothing to lose I agreed.

So as the plan is now, Kathy will be taking over all the Hawaii wedding planning starting in June 2013. I will be focused solely on photography. We have created a new website with new logo and branding that is currently being launched as I type this although not yet live. Our rates have dramatically increased to ensure profit margins for both Kathy and myself. However, I am unsure if any of them will sell much less work. I have never been able to separate my photography, never partnered in this way and have a pattern of making poor choices.

I ask myself all the time if I should get a job? If I should just admit that I’m never going to be good enough? That I’m never going to earn a profit? That I’m causing all this struggle for no good reason? My own mother has told me several times to close & get a job. My family & friends tell me they would never spend $300 on portraits so I have little faith in the future of my photography outside of weddings. My husband, who loves me dearly, says he doesn’t understand why woman do boudoir and it’s a waiste of money. My faith and confidence is all but gone. There is nothing left.

Emotionally I have surrendered. I admit my defeat and failures. I have nobody to blame for any of them but myself. Today I feel like a wounded dog with her tail between her legs licking her wounds. While I am hopeful that things will turn around with the new website, branding and Kathy, I am not going to try and control how things play out. While I still have some hope, I have largely let go. I feel like a mother who blindfully gave birth to this hopeful child and has caused her to struggle & slowly die over the course of several years and now I am at the end saying our final good-byes. The guilt and sadness I feel is overwhelming. One way or another I know this is the end which I cannot stop. The only question remains, is what will begin next? Where do I go from here? Love Dawn

This is Dawn, Im about to show her how to turn her greatest weakness into her greatest strength